I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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it was like a zeppelin in a condom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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