I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize