you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
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then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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