why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
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What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
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Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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