well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize