someone get that fucking seahorse.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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