Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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