I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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