WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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