Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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