So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize