Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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