That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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