you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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