Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
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dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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