I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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