dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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