I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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