I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
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They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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