He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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