FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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