I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize