no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
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Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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