im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
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Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize