The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She is in my trunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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