i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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