we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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