I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize