Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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