There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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