We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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