With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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