I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
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Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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