I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
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They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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