nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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