OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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