someone get that fucking seahorse.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize