Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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