i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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