Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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