Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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