just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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