Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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