I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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