She is in my trunk
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize