He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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