i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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