she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
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Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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