you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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