I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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