your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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